Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Found the puke drawer
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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