I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
