bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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