Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
