guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
