Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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