I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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