You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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