The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize