So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
