I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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