i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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