The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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