i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
