I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
