Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
