I met the friendliest cop last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize