Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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