I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
