I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
