i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
