can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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