Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
