My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
