can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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