hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
