he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
