Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
and you fell through a lawn chair
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
