I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
