have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
