Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
