I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
