Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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