pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
