You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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