i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
