her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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