I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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