He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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