So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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