Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
