my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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