the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
