I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
