You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
