I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
