Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
