You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
