Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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