Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
