Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
