Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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