And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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