I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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