I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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