i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she pinky promised me she was 18
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
