..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
