Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
