I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
