can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
MIDGETS
????
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
